Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
