umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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