don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
