I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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