Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Is Oprah even human
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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