you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
