dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
