I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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