I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
