and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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