yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
