I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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