A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
