This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
