Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
