i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
