Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
