come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
