Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
