The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
