Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
