TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
