jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
