You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
