eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Even my vagina gasped.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Watching her eat just hurts me
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
