none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
