When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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