I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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