You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
