I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
