how can u be prego again
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
