yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
