So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
wow bdsm is so cute
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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