tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
