So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he thought i was a dude.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
