Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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