Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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