did you get engaged???
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
