I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
