so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
