just tell him i said nine months
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
