he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
