there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
