I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
