So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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