I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
