Im at strip club and am horny
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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