so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
