you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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