Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
