u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
