I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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